I can’t shake it

I’m amazed how some chunks of time can go and you think… ” I made it a few weeks and that was not so bad…. and then I’ll have those few days where my heart or mind can’t rest from thinking about Haiti or thinking about our son.  The past 24 hrs have been that way for me….   In the very simple things… I am reminded of Haiti… of Frankie…and I can’t shake it.

• I rode in the back of a pick up truck last night with some of the girls on staff at  Wayfarer camp (I won’t mention the college boys who gave a few whistles to us 30 year olds..made us laugh) and the wind blowing on me and the air…. made me think of how it is to ride around in Haiti piled in the back of a truck.  … I can’t shake it.
• Little Miss Molly Smith was at camp today dropping off her big sister.  The Smith Family has been so encouraging and supportive with our whole adoption process.  Miss Lisa told me that Molly prays for Frankie all the time…. I can’t shake that.
• One of the youth ministers at camp this week just returned from Haiti with some of his students.  It was their first time visiting.  As he sat and said he could not articulate what the trip did for him… I just stood there with tears trying not to well up in my eyes because at that moment we both knew and understood.  He can find no words and to that…I can’t shake it.
• People…  There is this this girl that has volunteered her time and has given up 4 days to help Wayfarer do camp.    I never met her until yesterday but I knew of her much before that.  She and her husband have played a role in our journey with Frankie.  I was so glad to finally meet her.  To put a face with a name.  And being so thankful that we finally crossed paths….. and I can’t shake it.
• Got an update this week on how Frankie is doing….part of the update was this.. “Frankie is doing great!  – I can’t see him or hold him or love on him without thinking of you – and I often think how much he looks like you – although I can’t exactly put into words just why.  He has been doing this really cute thing the last two or three weeks where he is clapping “big” – like he starts with his arms open clear wide – and then watches them both to make sure that they clap together.  It is SO CUTE!!!  He is bright and happy and wonderful.”  Oh my heart finds much rest in this.  I know he is loved, cared for, enjoying his time with his nannies and friends… but I long for him to be home with us and there is a long road ahead of us, and we know that, we have always known that…..but still I can’t shake it.

It’s late.  I’m spent.  I want to try and sleep but my mind just seems to keep on racing.  I’m afraid it’s going to be another night of Advil PM for me.  Much love to you all.

June 2009 Update

Just got our June update on Frankie..  He is doing well.  I sure do miss him.  I just wish I could go hold him right now. … although it seems if I did, I might have a hard time catching him.  He’s proving to be one that will fit into our home just well.  He’s got some very active sisters that will give him a run for his money.

June update:

Active – that is the word to describe this little guy. He loves to run, run, run, and run! He never seems to stop and dislikes sitting still for more than a couple of minutes. He prefers not to listen to what he’s told, but who can blame him! His dimples are enough to melt anyone’s heart – he loves to show them to anyone who will talk to him or give him a smile. He’s starting to talk a bit, but prefers to sing little songs. Frankie is a happy little energizer bunny.

Missing him today….

Last night before bed the girls and I were talking about our big summer that is planned.  Emma can’t wait to get to some camps with dad and Izzie is head over heals in love with the pool and swimming…  During our prayer time we prayed about it officially being summer and all the fun things we have planned to do as a family.  Then my heart dropped as we closed praying for Frankie and that he would have a great summer in Haiti.

I can’t wait for Frankie to be with us.  I can’t wait for him to one day anticipate our family summer as much as the girls do.  One day his daddy is going to get to take him to camp and just like Emma he’s going spend the whole following year talking about how awesome of a dad he has and what a fun time at camp he had… at least I hope that is what he will be thinking!

I’m missing you today.  Haiti is so HOT right now.  I’ve heard the childrens home has been without power for a week now due to the city power being down.  I’m sure Frankie is moving along day to day not missing a beat.  Playing and having fun with his friends and being loved on.  Actually I’m not guessing that is what is happening.. I know that is what is happening.  I know Frankie is in for an amazing summer as well.  See him here with all is friends?

My dear friend Sarah and her hubby Jason went to Haiti at the end of May to visit their daughter Naomi… (follow their journey here. ) While there they gave Frankie some major lovin.  Just got these picts this week.  How his hair is growing.. I just love it!  Can’t wait to get my hands on him hopefully sometime this fall.

We love you Frankie… You are imprinted on our hearts and never far from our thoughts….

Heading Home

Two of Frankie’s friends/brothers are heading home.  I’ve met these boys a few times now and am thrilled that they are homeward bound.  Esaie & Isaac, pictured with their new family the Millers, left a few days ago for their new home in Maryland.  John from his blog wrote “We are so thrilled that these brothers are now with their adoptive family and home where they belong.  It is always a day of mixed emotions when children leave but we always remember that we live here so that some may be able to live elsewhere.”

Their Story:

It was over two years ago that a man carrying two young boys came to our gate and told me that the boys were brothers, their names were Esaie and Isaac, and their mother had abandoned the family months earlier.  He asked if we could take the boys since he had absolutely no resources to care for the them.  I explained that we were not an orphanage, and the children that entered Maranatha Children’s Home, travel to adoptive homes in the States.  He said that was not a problem and then I told him that I needed to see their documents and his as well and that we would need him to release the boys before a judge.  He had no papers on him but he said that he had them at home and that he would return the next day with them.  He again asked if we could take the boys.  Now it is VERY rare that I will accept children without documentation but in this case I was concerned about the lives of the boys since they were so sickly.  So we accepted Esaie and Isaac into the home and I have never seen the father again.  He never returned as he said he would and he has never come by to check on the boys.
This week another father did come to our gate.  A father with his wife and children who not long after Esaie and Isaac were abandoned into our care said, “we want to adopt them.” 
And now over two years later Gene and Shon Miller an their three children are here to bring home their two sons Esaie and Isaac.   
They have worked toward this day and prayed and waited and prayed and now they are here with their sons.
Left by a father, who perhaped loved them enough to let them go, into Maranatha Children’s Home where they have been loved and cherished, and now to their new family where only God could possibly love them more.

Thank you for your love and support as we endeavor to be the hands of Jesus here in Haiti.

John McHoul

We Are In!!!!!

BIG NEWS – Just found out We are IN.. IBESR that is!!!!! Papers were submitted April 24, 2009. 7 months after our papers arriving in Haiti… we are in the system!!! This is a HUGE day for our family and we continue to pray for all those still waiting to be submitted…. We’ve got a LONG way to go but it’s nice to be in the system!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!

Does He Love Me?

Wiping tears. That is what I am doing right now.

This week has for some reason been a week of questions for me. Just the other night Dave and I were chatting on facebook. (He’s in his computer downstairs, I’m upstairs… we are engaging in conversation) and I ask the questions people don’t like to admit that I think we all ask at times? At least I hope I’m not the only one that asks them. “Is God real? Did we make this all up? What around me is real/fake? Why do I cringe at the word Christian and how it is represented at times? Does He really love me? It makes no sense at times that He does. Does He really care? This world seems so messed up. People are dying/starving. What am I doing with my life? Really, God are you real… do you really love me?

Dave was quick to remind me at one point in our conversation that… oh just three short years ago I made the comment that I would know God really loved me if He would just allow me to have one more child. That would be one way He could show me. And then He did. Even right now I am wearing a bracelet of a heart that says “I Am” engraved on it. It was a gift from Dave as a symbol of what God did and showed us through our time with Izzie. “I am Loved”. I feel bad for having questions about God. Why do I cycle like that? But in the end I think it’s a good thing.

Our adoption journey has opened some of those same wounds again.. ones that were created with our journey with Izzie. And even today I still need to process that yes God does love me and that yes He Cares and yes He is real. Even if I feel so very distant from Him at times and even if I even question if He is there, if He even cares or understands.

I’m wiping tears because on a random day in May… A year after this whole adoption process started… I get an envelope addressed to Wayfarer.. Attention Dave and Kim Rhodes. Just the site of the envelope brings tears to my eyes. Because it’s a reminder of God’s love to me in our journey with Frankie. Inside I have no words as I am once again blown away as God has laid it on someones heart to help us. Many people have invested in our lives. In some ways I feel we are so undeserving. But in a very real way today, God is once again very randomly with no specific rhyme or reason, giving my heart tangible evidence that yes Kim, I AM real and yes Kim, I AM a god that loves you and yes Kim I AM a God who is using my people to radically impact your life. And Yes Kim, YOU ARE LOVED.

Frankie’s Day Today….

I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman.  Dave is gone this weekend and it’s just me and the girls.  And I keep on cleaning.  Then I just had a meltdown.  Crying, internal heart breaking.  Just got on facebook and saw pictures above taken of Frankie today.  This was him in his day today May 2nd, 2009.  As I wiped another blind there he is and in an outfit I bought him.

Yesterday 2 couples adopting from Heartline went to Haiti to visit their precious kids.  These are the same people I was with this past January on my trip to see Frankie.  Today they are back visiting again.  I’m so thrilled they are there.  Spending time with our kids is priceless.  I just have this huge gasp in my heart that is irrational at best I know but today, Frankie is seeing all the same people that were there when he last saw me and I can’t shake the fact that I’m not there for him.  Like he’s looking for me and I’m not there.  I know he’s 2 and he probably has no clue that I’m missing but I just can’t shake it.  I just “want” him to know that we love him.  That he has a mom and dad and sisters who don’t ever escape a day without saying his name.

Dave and I are hoping to get to see him this fall.  But for today I once again have underestimated the rawness of the wait.  Waiting.  What is the definition of that word anyway?  Today for me it’s the deep inner longing of something that you can’t attain.   I grieve too.  I grieve the moments I am missing.  I grieve seeing his journey in pictures.  Pictures, a priceless gift yet the reminder of a grieving heart.

Frankie as you can see above is happy.  He’s safe, secure, loved, well taken care of.  I just long for the day that our family is providing all those things for him each day.  We knew from day one that this journey would be long.  I get that.  But I’m still getting the waiting thing.  I don’t think I’ve figured it out yet.

April Update

FRANKLIN JOSEPH April 2009 Height – 32.3 inches Weight – 24 lbs Frankie has happy, smiling eyes! He meets each day with enthusiasm and energy. While Frankie is not a big talker yet, he does interact with the other children and his caretakers….

THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON’T THINK ABOUT THIS LITTLE GUY.  GLAD HE IS DOING WELL!!!

WOOOOOHOOOOO!! Prayer Answered!

This News Just in at 10:54AM today!!!

From our Contact in Haiti:

Woo hoo!!!!  The papers were finally signed and released from the mayor’s office!!!!!!! ” )

Junior needs to obtain a couple of things now and then can try to submit it to IBESR.  He believes that they will take it – please pray that they do!

THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN PRAYING AND PLEADING FOR OUR FAMILY THESE PAST FEW WEEKS.  PRAYER ANSWERED.  DAVE HAS BEEN OUT OF TOWN THIS WEEK AND EACH NIGHT THE GIRLS AND I HAVE BEEN HAVING OUR PRAYER TIME BEFORE BED AND WE’VE BEEN BEGGING GOD TO GET OUR PAPERS OUT OF THE MAYORS OFFICE.  I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL EMMA WHEN I PICK HER UP FROM SCHOOL!!!!

Please pray that they can now be submitted to IBESR.

Much love to you all!

Kim, Dave, Emma, Izzie and Frankie!

Two Lawyers/Two Men

Don’t ever think that your life does not have impact in other peoples lives.  This week I will be praying for two men… who without knowing it are greatly impacting our lives.  I am praying that God would grab hold of them and not let them sleep until they handle some very important paperwork… ours… :) Would you pray specifically for these two men concerning our dossier??  Here is the latest news we received yesterday…

The word regarding your dossier – there are two lawyers who work in the mayor’s office – one is running for office this month and so he has neglected to take care of his responsibilities, and the other one has been mostly out of town because he says he has a sick relative.  Apparently the upcoming elections have created further distractions within the offices where paperwork should be moving.  I am sorry.

I will try to get more information to you soon.
Praying with you and your family,

So there you have it… Two men…..